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Hello and welcome once again to
the !BANG! TV report. Hope everyone had a joyous
holiday season. Today's report is very special in two ways. Today's show is !BANG!'s 100th
broadcast and it is a look at what the Funking Conservatory has to offer which will include classic
matches and classic clips.
Today's first segment featured
Dory Funk, Jr. and the Funking Conservatory Triple Crown
Champion, The Royal Stud Adam Windsor, talking about how wild !BANG! can be. The segment
then went into a video montage of Adam in some of his best matches from this past year.
The next segment featured Dory
and Adam talking about the safety programs at the Funking
Conservatory. Clips of Adam putting Playboy Dale Williams through tables were shown. Adam was
then shown saying that no one would dive off of a ladder. Then clips of Playboy diving off the ladder
on top of Adam through a table along with Adam and Playboy falling through a table when the ladder
tipped over. Dory said it was all wrestling, and the clip of Cyrus Po trying to dance with a
referee was shown.
Dory's next words would be that wrestling was what the Funking Conservatory was all about,
and the clips of Adam and Playboy using wrestling moves were shown. Adam then talked about
anybody daring to hit another person with a chair. Clips of Playboy hitting Adam over the head with
a chair were shown. The segment ended with clips of Playboy hitting Adam with the ladder.
The next segment would feature
hardcore along with the match between Menace II Society and
Paul London w/Missy Hyatt at ringside with a shopping cart full of hardcore plunder. The match started
off with Menace hitting Paul over the head with a metal sheet. Menace left the ring to look through the
shopping cart for more weapons. All he could find was a plastic spray bottle. As Menace came back
in, Paul hit him over the head with a trash can lid. Paul followed up with a vertical brainbuster. Paul then
asked Missy to grab a weapon for him. She went into the cart and grabbed a tin can and a metal
baseball bat. She gave the items to Paul and he hit Menace with both. Menace fired back with a trash
can lid over Paul's head. Menace then hit Paul in the head again with a metal sheet. Paul fought back
with two European uppercuts forcing Menace into the corner. Paul then gave Menace a huge chop.
Menace reacted with a karate kick to Paul's stomach. This prompted Paul to give Menace another
chop. Menace caught Paul with another karate kick. Paul caught Menace with a huge forearm and
took him down with a snap mare. Missy started handing Paul more objects from the cart. Paul sandwiched
Menace's head with a metal sheet and a frying pan.
As Paul went to hit Menace with
a plastic baseball bat, Menace clocked Paul over the head twice
with a trash can lid and followed up with a karate kick to Paul's head. Paul quickly got back to his feet
and went to the cart for another weapon and Missy handed him a tambourine. Paul danced for five
seconds and hit Menace over the head with it. Missy then handed Paul a steering wheel cover and Paul
started to choke Menace out with it.
Suddenly, Paul grabbed a hairbrush
and instead of hitting Menace over the head with it, Paul started
brushing Menace's hair. Menace didn't like it one bit and once again hit Paul over the head with a metal sheet.
Menace was paid back when Paul sandwiched his head with two plastic tennis rackets. Paul started picking up
items that Missy picked out for him, except for a backscratcher which Missy kept for herself.
The two wrestlers kept on going
using wrestling holds and hitting each other with weapons, but the
tide changed when Heater ran into the ring and hit Menace in the heat with a metal sheet as he was applying
a Texas cloverleaf on Paul. Once Menace was down, Paul covered him with all the metal sheets and trash
can lids, bounced off the ropes, and executed a running shooting star press. Paul made the cover for three
and retained his Funking Conservatory Hardcore Championship.
After the match was over, Heater and Missy
came into the ring to congratulate Paul on his victory. To
everyone's surprise, Heater attacked Paul with a low blow and a slap to the face. Heater then turned his
attention on Missy Hyatt. Heater grabbed Missy and started kissing her. Missy did all she could to pull away.
Once Heater released Missy, he
had no clue that the Funking Conservatory Triple Crown Champion
The Royal Stud Adam Windsor was standing right behind him. Heater took a shot at Adam but it had no effect.
Adam kicked Heater in the stomach and put him in the ever popular Royal Ride. Adam turned Heater over for
Paul, who came off the top rope with a flying elbow drop.
Segment three would show that the
Funking Conservatory is for both male and female athletes. The classic
match to be shown would be Heater defending the Funking Conservatory Whoa-Man's Championship (which
was in fact the Women's Championship) against challenger Julia Ricardo.
The match started off with Julia
attempting to flirt with the leader of Heatermania by showing a little
and letting him stare at her butt. Heater made the mistake of turning away from his opponent because when he
turned back towards her, she nailed him with a spear and started to choke him. The Claw immediately called
for Julia to break the hold.
Heater and Julia locked up with
Julia gaining the advantage with an armdrag. Once Heater was back to
his feet, he caught Julia in a headlock and brought her down to the mat. Heater continued his assault by giving
Julia a series of blows to her back and following up with a crossface type of maneuver.
The Claw asked Julia if she wanted
to give up, but Julia said no. Heater picked Julia up by her hair and
gave her a headbutt and a kick to her stomach. Once Julia was back down, Heater applied his submission move
called the Burning Bridges. Julia still would not give up. Heater released the hold and as he was rising to his feet,
Julia gave him a low blow and followed up with a somersault splash and kicks to the back and stomach.
Julia picked Heater up and whipped
him into the corner where he fell on his butt. Julia took the chance
and jumped on Heater with the Broncobuster. Julia allowed Heater to get to his feet and caught him in a headlock.
Heater pushed her into the ropes and was going for a clothesline but Julia knocked Heater down with a shoulder
tackle. Julia went to bounce off the ropes again but Heater surprised Julia with the schoolboy rollup and as the
Claw counted to three, Heater played Julia's butt like a bongo drum and started to sing "Babaloo".
That would be Heater's last mistake
of the night because as he was celebrating his victory, Julia caught
him with one more spear. She held the belt over her head and then threw it on top of Heater.
The next segment was a video montage
featuring Adam Windsor, Paul London, and Osamu Nishimura.
Nishimura will be making his return to the Funking Conservatory on Saturday night, January 25, to defend his
Funking Conservatory United States Championship and to once again challenge Adam for his Funking
Conservatory Championship. More on that later.
This segment was a look back at
two classic Adam Windsor matches of 2002. The first set of clips
featured Adam successfully defending his Funking Conservatory Florida Heavyweight Championship against
TNT Travis Taylor. The second set of clips was Adam and Paul London defending the Funking Conservatory
Tag Team Championship against Sterling James Keenan and "Dreamachine" Chris Cage.
Today's special segment would feature
the Teen Program at the Funking Conservatory. Teen boys
and girls ages 14-17 can participate in this program to learn the basics of professional wrestling. Four of
the program's students were featured in this segment.
We would meet Chavella, who wrestles
under the name Stytch. Next would be Allison Nichols aka
Dixie, and Matt Sells. Both Allison and Matt recently made their debuts at the last !BANG! TV taping.
The last one would be Irwin Doppschwalla. Irwin was the first graduate to appear on !BANG!. Not only
did he win the !BANG! TV Championship in his very first match over NWA Wildside's Murder One, he
also holds the records for quickest match (four seconds) and being the youngest champion ever of any kind.
The feature segment was called
"High Risk" and featured the match between NWA Wildside's Lost
Boyz, Azrael and Slim J., one on one.
The match started off with both
men countering each other's moves. The action was fast until Slim J
slowed it down with a headlock on Azrael. Slim J went for a spinkick on Azrael but missed, Azrael went
for a spinkick on Slim J, but he missed too, Both Lost Boyz ended up with the spinkick on each other at
the same time knocking each other down to the mat.
Once both men were up, Azrael went
to clothesline slim J, but Slim J ducked underneath and caught
Azrael with a Russian legsweep. Slim J went to the top turnbuckle to do the moonsault, but Azrael
bounced against the ropes to stop Slim J. Azrael gave Slim J a neckbreaker while he was hooked by his
leg to the turnbuckle. Azrael continued with kicks and another neckbreaker on Slim J before he unhooked
Slim J from the tree of woe.
Azrael whipped Slim J into the
opposite corner and caught him with the running clothesline. The force
sent Slim J into the air giving Azrael to give him another neckbreaker. Azrael went for the cover, but Slim
J kicked out at two. Azrael whipped Slim J into the ropes and gave him a huge clothesline. Azrael whipped
Slim J into the ropes again and caught him with a kick to the midsection and a series of both front and back
kicks sending him down to the mat. Azrael tried to pin slim J twice, but both times Slim J kicked out at
Azrael picked up Slim J and gave him a piledriver. Azrael went for another cover, but Slim J barely kicked
out at two. Azrael went to dropkick Slim J in his head, but Slim J caught Azrael in the low part of the body with
his foot. Slim J went to the top turnbuckle to try again for the moonsault. Slim J came flying off the top for the
moonsault, but Azrael caught him in midair with another neckbreaker. Azrael went for another cover, but Slim
J kicked out at 2 7/8. Azrael whipped Slim J into the ropes and as he grabbed Slim J, Slim J did a 360 in the
air, grabbed onto Azrael's arm, jumped on the ropes, and came off with an inverted bulldog. Slim J made the
cover for three and the victory.
The next !BANG! TV taping titled
"F'n Blastoff" will be taking place on Saturday night, January 25, at
the Dory Funk Arena in Ocala, FL. The show will feature the return of Funking Conservatory United States
Champion Osamu Nishimura. Not only will Nishimura be defending his title, he will also once again be challenging
Adam Windsor for the Funking Conservatory World Heavyweight Championship.
Also returning to the Dory Funk
Arena will be WWE talent scout Dr. Tom Prichard. Dr. Prichard will be
here evaluating the Conservatory talent for the WWE. Missy Hyatt will be returning and as always The Claw
will officiate every single match. Get your tickets quickly to join us as we kick off 2003 with a "!BANG!"!!!!
Read the Funking Conservatory Newsletter
Join the Funking Conservatory
Visit Dory Funk's Home Page