!BANG! TV Report
Air date: February 7, 2003
WOGX TV FOX 51 Ocala, FL
Written by James Malone aka Sign Guy

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       Hello and welcome to this week's action edition of the !BANG! TV report. Today's program opened
as usual with a welcome from Coach Dory Funk, Jr. and the Funking Conservatory Triple Crown Champion,
The Royal Stud Adam Windsor. Dory and Adam then made the big announcement of the main event for
"Cold War" at the Dory Funk Arena in Ocala, FL on Saturday night, February 22, The main event will be
the first ever HANDICAP INTER GENDER TAG TEAM MATCH pitting the team of Red Power and
NWA Wildside's Blackout (Rainman & Murder One) against the team of Dixie and Adam Windsor.
More on the card later.

       The opening match would feature Adam Windsor defending his Funking Conservatory World Heavyweight
Championship against former Funking Conservatory Tag Team Champion Sterling James Keenan. The match
started off with Keenan catching Adam with an arm drag. Adam tried a go behind move, but Keenan reversed
it into a schoolboy roll up pinning combination which Adam kicked out of at two. Keenan applied a headlock
on Adam. Adam shoved Keenan into the ropes and went for a tackle, but it would be Keenan putting Adam
down to the mat with a tackle. Keenan then bounced off the ropes over Adam, then off the ropes again and l
leapfrogged by Adam, and was hip tossed by Adam. Adam would follow up with a body slam and an arm drag.
Keenan countered with a series of blows to Adam's head. Keenan went to whip Adam into the opposite corner,
but Adam reversed the whip and caught Keenan with another hippos and arm drag into an arm bar.

       Adam kept the pressure of the arm bar on Keenan even after a fireman's carry. Adam placed Keenan in the
corner and continued the assault with a knee lift, a European uppercut, a chop, and a kick to the stomach. Adam
then whipped Keenan into the opposite corner and caught him with the running clothesline. Adam followed up
with more chops and uppercuts.

Adam whipped Keenan into the ropes and went for a clothesline, but Keenan ducked and caught Adam with a
clothesline of his own. Keenan went for the cover, but Adam kicked out at one. Keenan then applied a reverse
chin lock on Adam. Keenan would follow up with a drop-kick to Adam's face. Keenan went for another cover,
but this time Adam kicked out
at two.

       Keenan started to argue with referee The Claw. As he continued, Adam came up from behind and went
for the schoolboy roll up. Keenan would kick out at two. Keenan answered back with another clothesline on
Adam. Keenan tried for another cover, but Adam again kicked out at two.

       Keenan picked Adam up and then applied a neck breaker. Keenan went for the cover again, but Adam
once again kicked out at two. Keenan then whipped Adam into the ropes and went for a backdrop, but Adam
reversed with a sunset flip and pin attempt which Keenan kicked out at two.

       Once he was up to his feet, Keenan would knock Adam back down to the mat with a back elbow smash.
Keenan then applied a rare move, a figure four head scissors. As the hold was applied, Keenan blatantly
grabbed on to the middle ring rope. The Claw saw this and immediately called for the break. As she counted,
Keenan counted along with her and broke the hold just before the five count.

       Keenan picked Adam up, whipped him into the corner, and followed up with a running clothesline. Keenan
then took Adam, climbed to the top turnbuckle, and applied what looked like a reverse tarantula. The Claw
once again called for the break. Keenan went back to the top turnbuckle and came off catching Adam with a
missile drop-kick. Keenan tried for another cover, but there was no quit in Adam as he kicked out at two.

       Keenan went back to the top turnbuckle to attempt the moon sault, but Adam quickly rose to his feet, and
hit the ropes causing Keenan to straddle the turnbuckle. Adam then turned around picking up Keenan from
behind and brought him down to the mat with the Royal Edge. Adam went for the cover, but somehow Keenan
kicked out at two.

       Adam whipped Keenan into the ropes and went for what looked like a backdrop, but Adam held on to
Keenan's legs and executed the Kryptonite Crunch. Adam thought he had the victory, but Keenan got his
shoulder up at two. Not many people kick out of the Kryptonite Crunch.

       Adam went to whip Keenan into the ropes, but Keenan reversed the whip and went for the clothesline.
Adam ducked the clothesline and caught Keenan with a cradle roll up. Keenan would kick out at two yet again.
Keenan would try the clothesline again, but Adam ducked again and caught Keenan with a backslide and made
the cover for three and the victory. Your winner and still Funking Conservatory World Heavyweight Champion,
The Royal Stud Adam Windsor.

       Before the next match began, Dory and Adam were back with more gossip. They reminded the viewers
of last week's show where we learned that The Claw's favorite wrestler is Ric Flair. Clips were shown with
The Claw wearing a blonde wig shaking the ropes and shouting "WHOOOOOOO!!!!".  Another clip showed
The Claw walking on her knees still shouting "WHOOOOOOO!!!!" and then the last clip was The Claw falling
on her face and then rising up screaming "Ow, my banana nose!!!!! WHOOOOOOO!!!!"

       The next match would be for the vacant Funking Conservatory Hard-core Championship. The participants
included Sledgehammer, The Highland Strangler, Dirt, Onyx, and !BANG! newcomer The Intimidator.
Intimidator stands 6'6, weighs 250 lbs, and has not one single ounce of fat on his body.
 
       The match started off with Intimidator taking on both Onyx and Dirt while Sledgehammer locked up with
Strangler. Thirty seconds into the match, Coach Dory Funk, Jr. came to ringside with the trash can filed with
hard-core plunder. All five wrestlers started to pick up weapons as Dirt threw the trash can at Strangler and
Intimidator caught sledgehammer with a plastic baseball bat.

       Dirt then hit Intimidator over the head with a metal sheet, but it did nothing. Dirt hit him over the head
with the metal sheet three more times, but Intimidator just stood there. Intimidator knocked Dirt to the mat
with a trash can lid. Sledgehammer then strangled Strangler with a baseball bat while being strangled by
Onyx with another baseball bat.

       Intimidator continued intimidating by easily picking up the big Sledgehammer and giving him a body slam.
Onyx tried to put the big man down, but Intimidator would be the one to put Onyx down. Sledgehammer
finally gained an advantage on Intimidator by striking him in the knee with a trash can lid Sledgehammer then
tried to choke Intimidator out with the same trash can lid, but it didn't last long as Intimidator countered and
hip tossed Sledgehammer on top of a trash can.

       Strangler kept the attack going on Dirt and Onyx went after Sledgehammer. Intimidator went after
Sledgehammer again, but this time as Sledgehammer pushed Intimidator into the corner, everybody else
joined in on the attack. It was all in vain as Intimidator took care of every wrestler who was attacking him.

       Intimidator decided that this was enough. He started with a choke slam on Dirt, which frightened
Strangler so much it made him leave the ring. Intimidator then body slammed Onyx on top of Dirt. Intimidator
then covered both guys at the same time for the three count and the victory. Your winner and new Funking
Conservatory Hard-core Champion, The Intimidator.

       Today's main event would be Red Power facing Missy Hyatt in an evening gown match for the Funking
Conservatory Women's Championship. The special referee for this match would be WWE talent scout, Dr.
Tom Prichard.

       The match started off with Red shoving Missy down to the mat. Missy would retaliate by shoving Red
into the corner and started to pull hair and choke. Dr. Prichard forced Missy to break the choke hold. Missy
then picked Red up by her hair and went to rip the gown off. Dr. Prichard again forced the break.

       As Dr. Prichard scolded Missy for what she did, he didn't see Blackout, Rainman & Murder One, come
into the ring. It looked like they were going to attack Red, but instead they helped her to her feet. Red turned
around and shoved Dr. Prichard into Missy knocking them both down.

       Missy turned her attention to Blackout asking them why they were helping Red instead of her. Rainman
& Murder One responded by picking Missy up and giving her the blackout. This made it easy for Red to rip
Missy's gown off and scoring the victory. Your winner and new Funking Conservatory Women's Champion,
Red Power.

       After the match was over, Red and Blackout decided they weren't through with Missy. Rainman & Murder
One picked Missy up and bent her over. Red proceeded to spank her. Dr. Prichard tried to stop Red, but she
turned around and smacked him in the face.

       Red continued her assault on Missy until Dr. Prichard grabbed Red by her hair. This prompted Blackout
to attack Dr. Prichard. They continued until Coach Dory Funk, Jr. and Adam Windsor came to the rescue and
ran Blackout and Red out of the ring and back to the locker room.

       "Cold War" is coming to the Dory Funk Arena in Ocala, FL on Saturday night, February 22. Once
again, the main event will be Red Power and Blackout taking on Adam Windsor and Dixie in the first
ever HANDICAP INTER GENDER TAG TEAM MATCH. More matches and wrestlers will be
announced in the weeks to come. The Claw, who is the law, will be on hand to officiate the action.
See you next week.
 
E-mail Dory Funk Jr.
Visit Dory Funk Jr.'s Home Page