The most accurate determination ever!!!
Who really would win the matches between the greatest of all time?
Dory has gathered all of the information he is able to garner from
his personal memory of these great wrestlers and all that we have been
able to obtain.
We have meticulously fed it into Dyno, our new 20 gigabyte computer. Dyno has processed this information and given us the winner of each match.
Due to the influence of Coach Funk on the careers of recent athletes,
a matching number
of young wrestlers have been deservedly been given entrance permission to the tournament
at the sixth round level.
Ice Palace in Tampa Florida - Big Ernie walks and talks trash on Test who stands nearly as tall as the 6' 8" tall former Kansas City Chief. Ernie catches Test with the big foot to the face and goes for the cover but Test is out with a Big Foot of his own, knocking Ladd reeling against the ropes. Ladd begs off in the corner and as Test comes in, Ladd catches him in the throat with the tapped thumb and goes for the cover with both his size 22 wrestling boots on the ropes and Ernie gains the victory with 18 minutes gone in the match.
Dory Funk Jr.
Amarillo Sportatorium - Rhino shocks the Texas fans when he attacks at the bell and throws Funk to the floor. Rhino then goes to the floor and under the ring. Rhino comes out with a table and throws it into the ring where he sets it up and power bombs Dory through the chair. Rhino covers but Funk is out at the count of two and catches Rhino with three hard fore arm blows that staggers him. Funk follows up with the spinning toe hold to finish the match. Rhino taps out at the 15 minute mark.
Marigold Gardens in Chicago - Brent and Palmer square off in the center of the ring amateur style. Palmer is entranced with the beautiful Summer Rain and can not keep his attention on the contest with Brent. Palmer locks up with Brent only to be suplexed hard to the mat. Brent goes for the cover but Palmer kicks out. Palmer realizes he is in for a fight and arm drags Brent to the mat and goes for the spinning toe hold. Brent Dail gives up and the winner is Walter Palmer.
Old Amarillo Sports Arena, Amarillo, Texas - Terry comes in the ring with fists tapped and shadowboxing around the ring. Terry dances and jabs in thin air until he comes near Test and Test reaches out with a big foot in the face of Terry Funk and Terry goes down to the mat. Test covers and Terry kicks out. Test continues to kick the Hell out of Terry until Terry reaches in his tights and pulls out a foreign object and hits Test in the jaw. "He Jacks his Jaw." Test is out and Terry climbs to the top rope and comes off with a moonsault and covers for the three count in 22 minutes.
Korakuen Hall in Tokyo Japan - At the bell they come to the center of the ring and Kurt Angle hits a beautifully executed Fireman's Carriage on Brody. Brody is up in a second facing Kurt. Brody throws Kurt through the ropes and they plow through all the chairs at ringside. Brody throws Kurt through the chairs and climbs over them to follow up. The fans are scattering everywhere they go. Brody bashes Kurt over the head with a chair and then bashes him into the corner post. Brody throws Kurt into the ring and comes in charging but Kurt leg trips Brody and comes up with a three quarter nelson to earn the pin for the victory in 17 minutes.
David von Erich
Reunion Arena in Dallas Texas (Dory Funk Jr. is the special referee) - David von Erich is the aggressor from the start and attacks Adam with buggy whipped arm punches, chops and football kicks to the chest. David gives Adam the seven foot slam and follows up with a power bomb that leaves Adam laying on the mat. David picks Adam's helpless body up and throws him to the ropes and poses for the dreaded Fritz von Erich Iron Face Claw. Adam flies of the ropes and at the last second, ducks the Iron Face Claw and catches David in a School Boy Rollup for the three count in 8 minutes.
The Gardens in Vancouver B.C. - From the start the match is all Kiniski as Canada's Greatest Athlete romps and stomps. Kiniski goes for a back breaker and covers David for the count of two. In defense of himself, David is on his feet and catches The Big Polack with a Fireman's Carriage and a double arm suplex. David kicks Kiniski and says, "That is from your friend, Dory Funk Jr." David hits the ropes and goes for a big splash on Kiniski but Gene raises his knees in David's stomach and the gas goes out of David. Kiniski wins with a chop off the ropes in 14 minutes.
Flying Fred Curry
Cobo Hall in Detroit - Flying Fred is in the biggest match of his life. He starts out cautiously and is able to go to work on the left arm of the Great Ric Flair. Flair breaks the sequence with well thrown punches to the chin and a knee drop to the head of Flying Fred Curry but Fred continues to attack Flair via the left arm. Curry is taking this match as the chance of a life time. Curry goes to the top rope and connects with his patented Missile Drop Kick but Fred is unable to keep Flair's shoulders down for the three count. Curry fires a comeback on Flair and the Nature Boy backs in the corner begging for mercy. the ref steps between the men and Flair drops to his knees and as the ref drops in for the count, Flair puts both feet up on the second rope for additional leverage and gains the pin fall in 33 minutes.
Rob Van Dam
ECW arena in Philly - Christian carries the fight to Van Dam, knowing he is the underdog even though Christian is working for the WWF. Naturally the fans are strongly behind Rob Van Dam. Christian throws Rob to the corner and executes his jump to the second rope and rebound with a flying drop-kick. Christian goes behind and takes Van Dam to the canvass then switches into a front face lock. Van Dam comes to his feet and suplexes Christian hard to the mat. Van Dam hangs Christian upside down in the turnbuckle and climbs the rope on the opposite side. Van Dam comes with the Full Ring Drop-kick and Christian is knocked out. Van Dam covers for the win.
Tokyo Dome in Tokyo Japan - Corino comes out ready to go and Inoki is lying on his back kicking at Corino's knees. Inoki chips Corino's feet out from underneath him and covers for a two count. Corino is up to his feet and throws Inoki to the floor and headlocks him and charges the ring post. Inoki slips out and Corino's head bashes into the post and he comes up a crimson mask. Corino can not even find the ring for the blood covering his hair, head and eyes. The referee counts Corino out on the floor and Inoki is the winner of the match in 8 minutes.
Ed Strangler Lewis earns a bye