|In Funk's Corner|
|By Dory Funk Jr.|
Windsor, Peterman and "Big Bucks" Bank Barfield
What do they have to do with the NFL?
Professional Football has decided to spice up their game and is taking their cue from the success of professional wrestling.
The rivalry is in need of refreshment as the once dominant Dallas Cowboys go against the once powerful Green Bay Packers. It all began many years ago in the famous Ice Bowl in Green Bay when the Packers beat the Cowboys for the world title with the temperature hovering at 13 degrees.
The rivalry was big business but now has cooled and so the NFL turns to professional wrestling to rekindle the fire.
Notice all of the players are 40 years old and above. As I said, they are taking their cue from professional-wrestling.
The Green Bay Packers are in a return match against the Philadelphia Eagles. The score is tied at 21. With three minutes to go in the game the Packers have the ball at the 50 yard line. Green Bay Quarterback Bret Favre drops back to pass and 15 Dallas Cowboys run out on the field and beat the crap out of the Packers along with the help of the Philadelphia Eagles. To top it off, they strip Bret Favre of his jersey and paint a yellow streak down his back. Then with no competition, Troy Aikman takes a snap from center and gives the ball to Emmit Smith who streaks toward the goal only to run head on into the Miami Dolphins. They all fight out the stadium into the parking lot where they depart in their limousines, Lincolns, and Cadillacs.
Meanwhile back in the stadium the seven NFL officials have a conference
and declare this one a "No Contest" or better yet a, "Double Count Out."
Suddenly, he takes a huge hit from the Cardinal's middle linebacker... off comes his helmet...AND HIS TROY AIKMAN MASK!!! Under the mask is Bret Favre, disguised as Troy Aikman, out there to make the Cowboys look bad. As his ruse is discovered, Eric Williams and the entire Cowboy offensive line start whaling away at him. But suddenly, from the visitors locker room, out charges the entire Green Bay Packer team, seeking revenge for their loss in last tear's championship game. A pissed-off Sean Jones grabs Deion Sanders, ripping his pants off, showing that Prime Time Sanders is wearing underwear of a, Shall we say, "feminine Style".
As the melee continues, Barry Switzer eyeballs the exits, and he almost gets away into the stadium when Reggy White, who was sitting in the first row at the 50-yard line, jumps over the rails and gives Switzer a pile driver, knocking him out. Earl Dotson slaps the Sleeper Hold onto Eric Williams, and the entire Dallas Police Department is called in to quiet the rukus but their efforts are to no avail as people are pushing and shoving. I am being pushed and shoved and I can hear the words, "Dory, you must wake up, We've got to get to leave for Valdosta, Georgia. The Royal Stud is going to be there and so is Magnum the Giant, Li'l Wahoo McDaniel, The Claw, "Big Bucks" Bank Barfield and his attorney, Jody Peterman. We're going to wrestling in Valdosta tonight."
It was the producer of !BANG! TV, Marti Funk waking me up.
"Tomorrow night at the Dory Funk Arena, Adam Windsor will wrestle the son of a legend, Li's Wahoo McDaniel. "Big Bucks," Bank Barfield will wrestle Magnum The Giant. Also on the card, The first lady of professional wrestling, Missy Hyatt, The Claw, The Scorpion, Smooth Tyrone Demone, Simba, and from the dark side comes the evil "Sin."