Gunslinger Rap
  Oprah brings "Big Time" to small "Hick Town" Amarillo

Free Speech

"Ladies and gentlemen this wonderful present came to us from the only five star hotel in Texas."  As I set on my couch with switcher in hand, I thought, Oprah must be talking about the Raddison Hotel on Interstate 40 or maybe the Ambassador Crown Plaza. Out came this beautiful birthday cake and arrangement of flowers and she read the card, "Happy Birthday from some fancy hotel in Dallas, Texas.

I also saw Oprah's show about big hairdos worn by Texas women. People across America and and everywhere else the Oprah show plays got a good laugh at how silly and country talking our Amarillo girls can be. For the record, in Amarillo, Texas we have some of the best looking, classy ladies anywhere in the world.

Undoubtedly Oprah will win in her fight against the cattlemen in Amarillo, Texas. I myself will fight for our right of free speech and self expression here in America, even though as a former cattleman, I can see their point.

At this time, on behalf of Amarillo I would like to exercise my right of free speech and self expression. I dedicate this story to the Oprah Winfry show.


Marti and I were having a drink of non alcohol beer at the Lone Star Bar and Steak House in Amarillo, when a rather inebriated eastern tenderfoot from "Harpo Productions" stood up to give a toast. He raised his glass of Jack Daniel's whiskey and said.

"A toast, a toast, In the name of our great country. Here is to the Eagle, whose wings are broad and great. He flies from Maine to Mexico, and shits on this windy, dust blown, hick town, located at the top of the Lone Star State."

You can image in the Lone Star Bar and Steak House in Amarillo, Texas how much that upset quite a few of the home grown steak eating patrons.

Marti, who was bred and born deep in the heart of Texas (Fort Worth) decided she would give a toast in response. She stood up with glass in hand held high and said:

"A toast, a toast, Here's to this good city of Amarillo, whose farmland is fertile and rich. We need no turd from your low flying bird, you yankee son of a bitch."

Marti Funk, Speaking out in the name of "Free Speech"
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