February/March, 2002        Issue 8         Sign Guy,  Editor in Chief
Royal Stud Productions, Publisher

     Hello all and welcome to the latest issue of the !BANG! newsletter. On March 2 at the Dory Funk Arena, the !BANG! TV tapings will once again be taking place. The show is titled "Positively Pandemonium" and this promises to be a great card. The main event will be the Royal Stud Adam Windsor once again defending his Triple Crown Championship (International title, Florida title, and Funking Conservatory title) in a Triple Threat match against two opponents to be named at a later time. In this match, the first person to score a pinfall wins the match and the titles. This means Adam does not even have to be pinned and could lose everything he has worked long and hard for.  As always, any comments and suggestions for this newsletter are welcome at SignGuyJ@excite.com. I can be reached at the same address.
A word from the Editor
     I would like to take this time to thank everyone who attended the "Asian Invasion"  TV taping on January 19. Very special thanks to Terry Funk for his appearance at the show.

   !BANG! TV
     !BANG! airs on Mondays and Thursdays at 5 PM on Cox Cable Channel 16. Join your hosts Dory Funk Jr. and Andy DePalma along with Adam Windsor, Claudia "The Claw" Reiff and other special guests as they bring you 30 minutes of the best wrestling action you have ever seen.

     The Funking Conservatory would like to thank it's sponsors. LCT Transportation which is the company Bonecrusher drives the big rigs for, Sullivan-Watts Mazda which is where to go if you want a brand new or good used car, and Too Your Health Spa where the stars of the Funking Conservatory train and work out.

   Trivia Contest
     I would like to congratulate Dwayne Gill of Ocala, FL for being the winner of the latest trivia contest. He knew that Adam Windsor made his pro debut in August of 1999. For answering the question correctly, Dwayne won the prize of two free passes to the first of two March !BANG! TV tapings. This month's question will be just a bit tougher. The first person to correctly E-MAIL  me (please, no walkups at the arena) the answer to the trivia question will receive two (2) free passes to the next !BANG! TV taping. You can e-mail your answers along with your name, address, phone #, and e-mail address to me at SignGuyJ@excite.com. Again, the prize will be awarded to the FIRST correct answer I get.
     The trivia question is:
TRUE or FALSE: Dory Funk Jr. defended the NWA title against Terry Funk.

Good luck.

Funking Conservatory Champions
This is an updated and current list of champions in the Funking Conservatory.

Triple Crown Champion (World, Florida, International) - Adam Windsor
United States Champion - Osamu Nishimura
European Champion - Neil Faith
!BANG! TV Champion - Bonecrusher
Women's Champion - The Living Dead Girl Cleopatra
Tag Team Champions - Bruce & Teddy Hart
Hardcore Champion - Bonecrusher
Queen of Hardcore - The Living Dead Girl Cleopatra

Letters to the Editor
Dear Sign Guy,
     The Living Dead Girl Cleopatra has to be by far the sexiest woman in wrestling. Hyjynx is cute, but Cleopatra is gorgeous. Could you tell me more about her?
                           Fred from Miami, FL
Dear Fred,
     Thanks for writing. Cleo (real name Annie) is from Pennsylvania but will be relocating to Ocala, FL, to continue her training. Cleo has been with the Conservatory since May 2001. She recently did some international travel to England to visit FC European Champion Neil Faith, and just last week to Calgary, Alberta, Canada where she successfully defended her FC Women's Championship against Belle Lovitz.
Dear Sign Guy,
     When will my hometown hero, Bobby "Bonecrusher" Smith, defeat that pompous Englishman Adam Windsor for those three belts? Bonecrusher has been cheated several times and if it weren't for Windsor he could have five belts.
                                                                                  Steven from Long Haul, TX
Dear Steven,
     I appreciate you writing in. Bonecrusher gets closer and closer everytime he wrestles Adam in title matches. Adam may be a friend of mine, but one of these days Bonecrusher will have Adam's number and win the Triple Crown Championship.

Dear Sign Guy,
     Heater looks pretty hot as a girl. I would like to ask him out on a date. If he accepts, he has to wear the dress and wig. Thank you.
                                                                      Anonymous from San Francisco, CA
Dear Anonymous,
     Thanks for taking the time to write in. The following reply is from the lovely Heater himself:
     "Hey, I do not enjoy dressing up in women's clothing!!!! This misery with the dress and wig came about when that thing, Cleopatra, tricked me into signing a contract for an evening gown/tuxedo match. It was supposed to be ME wearing the tuxedo!!!! So, whoever you are, get a life and leave me alone because I have to chase down Manny Maivia and get even with him for leaving me all alone in the ring with Cyrus Po and that other thing, Hyjynx.!!!!"
     "P.S., SHUT UP, SIGN GUY!!!!"

Dear Sign Guy,
    Do any of the wrestlers have t-shirts available?
                                                                                   Christine from Dayton, OH
Dear Chris,
     Thank you for the letter. The only t-shirts available right now are of the Funking Conservatory and Adam Windsor. Cleopatra is trying to develop a t-shirt and should have some in the near future. No word if Bonecrusher will have a t-shirt made. T-shirts are available at the !BANG! TV tapings.

     I also plan to publish letters to the wrestlers. I will make sure they get their letters and get responses. Any questions for myself or any of the stars of the Funking Conservatory may be sent to me at SignGuyJ@excite.com.

Returning Stars
     Along with our regulars Adam Windsor, The Living Dead Girl Cleopatra, Smokin Sam, Chief Referee Claudia "The Claw" Reiff, and Bonecrusher, returning to this month's camp will be Marvelous Mark Edwards, Heater, Manny Maivia, and New Japan Pro Wrestling's Osamu Nishimura, who is also the Funking Conservatory United States Champion.

New Stars
     The Funking Conservatory is proud to welcome four young men making their first trip to Ocala for camp. They are Stylz, Badger, The U.K. Kid, and Fyrebird Adam Cole.

Conservatory Members Compete In Canada
     The following results are from the Stampede Wrestling event held in Canada on Feb 22 in which stars from the Funking Conservatory participated.

Opening of show, FC stars stood in ring for America's "Star Spangled Banner" and England's "God Save The Queen", but left ring during "O Canada".
Bobby "Bonecrusher" Smith def. The Orderly
The Living Dead Girl Cleopatra def. Bell Lovitz
(Cleo retained FC Women's Championship)
Neil Faith def. Highlander
(Neil retained FC Eurpean Championship, but injured his knee)
Adam Windsor def. Shane MacLean
(Adam retained FC Triple Crown Championship)
The Living Dead Girl Cleopatra def. Red Cheney
(Intergender Match)
Bobby "Bonecrusher" Smith def. Juggernaut
(Bonecrusher retained FC Hardcore and !BANG! TV Championships)
Bruce & Teddy Hart def. Adam Windsor & Dory Funk Jr. (sub for Neil Faith)
(Harts win FC Tag Team Championship)

     What happened next is one of the most unbelieveable occurrances ever seen in Stampede Wrestling. Used to winning, Adam and Dory attacked official Oscar Wilde right in the centre of the ring. This prompted ring announcer Mauro Renallo to enter the ring and ask whether Adam and Dory had lost posession of all their mental faculties. Renallo suddenly found his arms bound from behind by Adam. When reached for comment the next day, Renallo told reporters that the last thing he remembered hearing before everything went black was Dory -- rearing a cocked fist -- saying maniacally to Adam, "Take his glasses off.".

Wrestling Chatterbox
     The !BANG! Newsletter is pleased to welcome Wrestling Chatterbox to the family. The Chatterbox is written and published by Ms. Georgiann Makropoulos who also writes for 1wrestling.com. For more information on subscribing to Wrestling Chatterbox, you can contact Georgiann at GMakpoulos@aol.com. Tell her you saw it in the !BANG! Newsletter.

Interviews: Adam Windsor & Smokin Sam
     The first interview conducted was with the Funking Conservatory's franchise member and Triple Crown Champion The Royal Stud Adam Windsor. We discussed his title reign, Bonecrusher, his upcoming Triple Threat title match, and his recent trip to Canada.

Sign Guy; Adam, it's good to have you here again.

Adam Windsor: Thank you, Sign Guy. It's always a pleasure to sit and chat with you.

SG: Let's start by reminding everyone a bit about you. You are from Coventry, England and you recently celebrated your birthday.

AW: Yes, that is correct. I recently turned 20 years old, I'm still royally bred of royal blood, I'm still the Royal Stud, and I'm wrestling harder and better than ever.

SG: On that note, you've just turned 20 and you have accomplished more in this business than guys almost twice or three times your age. You have wrestled, refereed, written and booked matches, television production, and most recently media publishing.

AW: Yes. All that including wrestling matches for WCW, WWF, Stampede Wrestling, and New Japan Pro Wrestling.

SG: You mention Stampede Wrestling. You along with Dory, Marti, The Claw, Cleopatra, Bonecrusher, and Neil Faith recently traveled to Canada to participate on a Stampede house show.

AW: Yes we did. The Claw became the first woman to referee matches in Stampede Wrestling and my Conservatory mates and I were all successful in our singles matches including my match where I successfully defended my Triple Crown Championship. I also had the honor of having Dory as my tag team partner when Neil Faith was injured.

SG: Unfortunately, you and Dory were defeated by Bruce and Ted Hart for the Funking Conservatory Tag Team Championship.

AW: It's true that Bruce Hart pinned Dory, but Dory was NOT the legal man in the ring. I was the legal man. Dory should not have been pinned and that referee should not have counted the three count.

SG: I saw the video of the match's ending. You and Dory let the referee know how you felt about the outcome.

AW: Yes we did and it wasn't just letting the referee know how we felt. We also let Stampede Wrestling know how we felt and we also let the ring announcer know how we felt about the situation.

SG: Is there now the possibility that the Harts will come here to defend the belts?

AW: You never know when there will be a Hart attack lined up.

SG: Okay. Moving on to New Japan Pro Wrestling. At last month's show, you once again teamed up with one of New Japan's biggest stars, Osamu Nishimura, and with your win you and Nishimura are still undefeated as a tag team.

AW: Yes we are and we are being issued challenges from teams all over the world to try to defeat us. I know I want to stay undefeated and Nishimura wants to stay undefeated, but the challenges are coming fast.

SG: Do you think that you and Nishimura would issue a challenge to the Harts?

AW: We might issue a challenge to the Harts, but we might issue a challenge to a team in New Japan Pro Wrestling or just maybe the WWF.

SG: With this being a new year, what things are you looking forward to with the Conservatory and your career?

AW: Basically, making the Conservatory bigger and better than ever on a national level, and also remaining World Heavyweight Champion not just of the Conservatory but of the whole world.

SG: On that subject, for the last 3 or 4 months you have been forced or required to defend all 3 of your belts at the same time as the Triple Crown Championship. Would you rather defend each belt individually or are are you okay with defending all 3 at the same time?

AW: In the beginning, I was a little irritated at Dory for making me defend all 3 at the same time, but I have successfully defended the belts on numerous occasions so whether it's all 3 at once or each belt separately, I'll take on all challenges at any time. Speaking of challenges, I know Bonecrusher is still looking to take all 3 belts from me since he is now a cronie of Smokin Sam and I know Sam would love to have the belts in his stable somehow. I've had problems with Smokin Sam the last few months and now the problems have doubled since he and Bonecrusher joined forces.

SG: As we talked about before you would like to add the tag titles to your collection?

AW: I would like to add the tag titles. Neil Faith is the European Champion so I'd like to add that. Even though she's challenged me so many times for my titles, I'd challenge Cleopatra to a match. I could beat her and become the first male Women's Champion.

SG: Is it because her belt is bigger than yours?

AW: Not just that. Its because of the times she has challenged me for the World Heavyweight Championship and also for throwing me in the back of her Mazda Tribute (purchased at Sullivan-Watts Mazda) and driving off with me.

SG: One final question. You'll be facing Bonecrusher and a mystery opponent in a Triple Threat Match at Positively Pandemonium. Your thoughts.

AW: I have had several matches with Bonecrusher so I know what to expect from him. I have no clue as to the third man in the match so I hope it's someone I have faced before.

SG: On that we will wrap this up. Adam, thank you for taking time out of your busy schedule to chat and good luck in the Triple Threat Match.

AW: Thank you, my friend. By the way....

SG: Yes?

AW: Meeting for next month's issue in my office at 9 o'clock Monday morning.

SG: I'll be there.

     The next interview was conducted with ring announcer and manager of cronies, Smokin Sam.

Sign Guy: Sam, thank you for taking the time to do this interview considering that we don't get along.

Smokin Sam: Yes, it's your pleasure.

SG: Right. The first thing I want to talk about is that you are planning a return to managing as well as purchasing your own company.

SS: What I would like to talk about is the REAL reason as to why I am returning to managing. There are several things going on that I don't agree with. One thing is the favorable treatment that Adam Windsor receives from referees and the questionable tactics he chooses to use.

SG: Okay. You have also stated the you plan to sue Adam and take him to court for things he has done to you not just with a trash can, but for beating Bonecrusher he was to receive 5 minutes in the ring with you, but thanks to Bonecrusher, the 5 mintes was only 45 seconds.

SS: As far as that goes, Windsor should have never received even 1 second in the ring with me because of the before mentioned questionable tactics he uses. I'd also like to mention that an old friend of mine is coming back to the Funking conservatory soon. He just wrestled in Canada. His name is Neil Faith.

SG: Oh please, Sam. Neil is your friend just like Terry Funk was your friend.

SS: Terry Funk is my good friend fishing buddy. I don't know what got into him last month. I think he might have hit his head on something or he had jet lag, so I don't know what the problem was. He is my good friend just as Neil Faith is. I'm looking forward to Neil getting back to the United States and competing in the ring of the Funking Conservatory.

SG: Are you trying to recruit Neil into becoming one of your cronies?

SS: No comment on that but Neil Faith is one of the best wrestlers to come through the Funking Conservatory. The sooner he gets here, the better.

SG: Now look, Sam, you do realize that Neil is one half of the Brit Pack along with Adam Windsor.

SS: That's all well and good. I wish Neil the best of luck in that regard, but wouldn't it be interesting if Neil wasn't as cooperative as before?

SG: You mean if he turned on Adam?

SS: You said that, I didn't.

SG: Is that before or after the 57% after expenses which is what you usually charge wrestlers?

SS: What I charge wrestlers for the services I provide I think is a very very modest fee and I earn every penny of it.

SG: Okay. Being the manager of your cronies, you want titles in your stable. You've also said that you'll do anything and everything to get the 3 belts that Adam Windsor holds into your stable at whatever cost.

SS: That's very true. I am the manager of champions and I plan on continuing that tradition. It's interesting that Neil Faith already is the European Champion and we'll just see what happens.

SG: Okay, we will wrap this up. Smokin Sam, thank you for taking the time to chat and good luck to you in your future endeavours.

SS: Again, it's been your pleasure.

SG: Yeah.
Dream Match
     This month's dream match features a special challenge match between Ricky Noble and Rob Van Dam. The match began with a lockup, but Ricky got the early advantage with an armlock. Ricky then picked up RVD, threw him into the ropes and hit him in the face with an elbow. Ricky went right for the pinfall, but only managed a two count. Ricky  then attempted to whip RVD into the ropes again, but RVD reversed the whip and put Ricky in a powerslam. RVD went for the three count, but only got two. RVD then kicked Ricky in the ribs, yelled at the crowd, picked Ricky up, executed a huge bodyslam, yelled at the crowd again, stood Ricky on his feet and nailed him with a nice standing dropkick. RVD yelled at the crowd again. RVD then picked up Ricky and placed him in the Van Daminator. RVD had this match won, but somehow, Ricky managed to kick out at two. RVD then applied a reverse chinlock on Ricky. RVD once again whipped Ricky into the ropes and put him into another powerslam. RVD did not follow up as he went and yelled at the crowd once again. As Ricky rose to his feet, RVD executed another Van daminator on Ricky. Ricky somehow kicked out at two again, denying RVD the victory. As RVD went for a third Van Daminator, Ricky managed to raise up his feet for a dropkick on the young man from Battle Creek, Michigan. As RVD turned around, he was met by Ricky's foot as Ricky executed the Rickamortis. Ricky made the pinfall and scored the win.

Conservatory Alumni Update
     A special congratulations to the Funking Conservatory's own Chad "Big Bank" Barfield on recent success in the GPW (Galaxy Pro Wrestling). Chad has won another big match but unsuccessfully tried to rescure Wildfire Tommy rich from a four on one attack.
     Special congratulations also goes out to the Funking Conservatory's own Dory Funk, Jr., Marti Funk, Adam Windsor, Bonecrusher, The Living Dead Girl Cleopatra, Neil Faith, and Referee Claudia Reiff for their recent trip to Canada.
Gossip (or questions to ponder)
Who will be next to challenge Cleopatra for her Women's title?

After the commercial, would Adam Windsor buy a Mazda Tribute?

Could you just see Bonecrusher teaching Driver's Ed at a high school?

Has Osamu Nishimura ever been to Silver Springs or Wild Waters?

What does Smokin' Ham..I mean Sam have in store for this month?

Will Claudia aka The Claw have to referee all the matches again?

Is Marvelous Mark Edwards better at wrestling or being a referee?

What color dress will Heater wear next?

Just how hard is Manny Maivia's left hook?

What did the U.K. Kid learn from Shawn Michaels?

Stylz claims to wrestle many styles.

Badger plans to serve cheese with his opponent's whine.

What does Fyrebird Adam Cole have in store for the !BANG! TV taping?

Dory and Marti Funk rule!!!!!

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Visit Dory's Home Page
Join the Funking Conservatory
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