Gunslinger Rap Archives

Kanemochi (Ka-nay-mo-chi)(Japanese for, "He is a rich man.")

Mirror mirror on the wall in wrestling, who is the richest of all? Ed Strangler Lewis, the master of (Would you believe this) the head lock??? Ed lewis crossed the country by train, winning most of his matches with his powerful and devastating head lock. Lewis commanded upward of 50 percent of the gate and at that time, had to pay no taxes. Lewis was "kanemochi," however, like many great athletes of yore, in the end he had nothing.

The Father of all bleached blond wrestlers, Gorgeous George aka George Wagner rubbed shoulders with the elite of Hollywood and politics. George commanded forty percent of the gate and everyone else on the card including his opponent split the pittance that remained after rent, promotion, and advertising. George was "kanemochi" but sadly, they say he left this world in alcoholism and poverty.

Vince McMahon, is a second generation promoter taking the reins of one of the most successful regional promotions, albeit New York, and taking it national and international to success never dreamed of by his father. Proving all the sooth sayers wrong, "Vince is, truly Kanemochi."

The real kanemochi may be Giant Baba, the man who twenty four years ago with the help of my father, Dory Funk Sr. began with a small group of wrestlers, what has proven to be the most consistent and profitable promotion in the world. All Japan Pro Wrestling. Mirror mirror on the wall in wrestling, who is the richest of them all.

The richest of them all is Jerry Lawler. The reason Lawler sits so close to Vince McMahon on Monday Night Raw is obvious, He's got his hands in Vinces pockets. Lawler is so rich because he never spends a dime. He is so tight when we went out to eat, he stole the tip from a waitress with two hungry kids. Lawler makes an art out of avoiding picking up checks. When they bring the bill, he sits with his back to the waiter. When he turns around, he acts as if he is afraid the check is going to reach out and hit him. He's a man of rare gifts, he rarely gives one. Lawler throws money around like a man without arms. Lawler is a real carefree guy, He doesn't care if it's free. Jerry Lawler is the real kanemochi.

They call him the King, King Jerry Lawler. He conquered them all, but they all came to Memphis where the cards were stacked, still he was proud, he could win in Memphis. He faced the best in his back yard, Bockwinkel, Funk, Race, and Andy Kauffman. Andy Kauffman!!! can you believe that. He must have been proud to beat Andy Kauffman. Andy must have weighed as least 125 pounds. What should he do next, wrestle Tinny Tim. Lawler shouldn't be called King, He should be Queen, "Queen Jerry Lawler." What a great name, the King of the ring. Queen Jerry Lawler.

How about the record of Queen Jerry Lawler? If you listen to him on "Raw" you would think he is really great but, I am here to tell the truth. I was there in Cherry Hill Pennsylvania when Eddie Gilbert's little brother, Doug Gilbert whipped him from pillar to post and would you believe Doug put his shoulders to the mat and pinned him one two three. Lawler's face was red. Back behind ringside Doug's Father Tommy and I were laughing our asses off. I said to Tommy, "Your kid is King. Now I'm here to tell everyone in cyberspace, Doug Gilbert Beat Jerry Lawler and I saw it happen."

Lawler, your wealth may give you happiness and it may make you glad But on that night in Cherry Hill When you faced Doug Gilbert, Queen Kanemochi, You were had.

-Dory Funk Jr.

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Dory Funk Jr.
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