Gunslinger Rap

Dedicated to Mr. Masami Nakanishi (Sports Nippon Press, Japan)

Ray Stevens

"Coffee, Cream and Sweet and Low"

Ray Stevens has me backed in the neutral corner. He grabs me by the wrist and pulls me out in an attempt to throw me into the opposite corner. I take two steps and, reverse the arm hold and throw him into the corner instead. Stevens flies into the corner upside down and flips forward, tumbling up on top of the turnbuckle. His body continues forward and he bashes his head into the top of the ring post then falls over the top of the turnbuckle and down to the floor. When he returns to the ring, his head and hair are crimson red as he gushes blood. I give him no chance to rest and clamp a Japanese wristlock on his left arm.

We are wrestling in the San Francisco Cow Palace for the, "Two Decades Tag Team Championship of the World." Ray Stevens and Pat Patterson, the greatest of the Sixties are against Terry Funk and myself, the greatest of the Seventies.

Pat Patterson

The crowd in the sold out Cow Palace is making so much noise, I can only see my father, Dory Funk Sr in my corner waving me to tag my brother. I make the tag and Terry is in the ring dancing and shadow boxing, weaving and fainting with both fists taped. He hits Stevens with three left jabs and a roundhouse right that puts him on the floor. Terry picks up the right leg of Ray Stevens but Pat Patterson is in the ring with a knee to Terry's back.

Terry and Ray Stevens are both down. Stevens reaches up and tags Pat Patterson. Pat comes in the ring on the attack. with fists flying. Dory Funk Sr. is up on the apron to complain. The referee moves to Dory Sr. to keep him out of the action. Patterson and Stevens take advantage and do a double attack on Terry. With Patterson holding him and Stevens throwing the punches. Blood flows from above Terry's left eye. Patterson covers Terry for the pin. One, Two, just before three Terry kicks out.

Terry Funk

My father calls me to the floor for advice. He says, "Terry will never quit. They cannot beat him. When he tags you, get the spinning toe hold and don't turn loose. I will watch your back." Terry makes a desperate lunge and tags me. I come in on the attack with one football tackle and another and as I come for the third time Patterson jumps high in an effort to avoid my shoulder. As he jumps, I raise up under him and catch him in mid air. I slam him to the mat and hold tight to his right leg.

Dory Funk Sr. In my corner

I hear the words of my father, "Get the spinning toe hold and don't turn loose. I will watch your back." I have it, I have the spinning toe hold. On the other side I can see my father pulling Stevens from the ring.

I have the spinning toe hold. I can hear the roar of the crowd. I turn and turn. I can hear, "Stop it. Stop it." I just keep turning and turning I remember the words of my father. Turn, Turn, Turn. "Stop, Stop, Stop it Junior, Stop it right now. Junior you must stop now!!!! Junior, Wake up!! Turn loose of my leg before you hurt me!!!" Ray Stevens, Pat Patterson, Terry Funk, my father, Dory Funk Sr., are all gone. My pajamas are soaked in perspiration. I feel the stubble of a night's growth on my face and my wife, Marti says, "Junior, You have been dreaming again. Let me fix you a cup of coffee." I said, "Coffee,!!!" The Two Decades Tag Team Championship of the World is gone and you mention "Coffee!!!?"

"Cream and sweet and low, Please Dear."

Marti Funk


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