!BANG! TV Report
Airdates: Monday, Thursday, Friday at 1 AM, Saturday at 6:30 AM
WOGX TV FOX 51 Ocala, FL
Written by James Malone aka Sign Guy
E-mail Dory Funk
Visit Dory's Home Page
     Hello all and welcome to another edition of the !BANG! TV report. Just a quick reminder that the
Big !BANG! is coming soon and !BANG! is having tryouts throughout the month of May for wrestlers
to appear on a new weekly version of !BANG! Tryouts are held on Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and
Thursdays at the present Dory Funk Arena in Ocala, FL. For more information on wrestler tryouts or the
Big !BANG!, log onto www.dory-funk.com or call Marti Funk at (352) 895-4658.

     The opening contest on today's program I guess you could say was a one on one "intergender" match
between NWA Wildside's Jane Doe and the Funking Conservatory Hardcore Champion Bobby "Bonecrusher"
Smith. In Bonecrusher's corner was the First Lady Of Wrestling, Missy Hyatt.

     The match started off with both wrestlers in a face off in the center of the ring. Jane tried to get a little friendly
with Bonecrusher and as Bonecrusher tried to attack, Jane caught Bonecrusher with a punch to the midsection.
Bonecrusher retaliated with a kneelift and clothesline on Jane. The Hardcore Champion continued his assault on
Jane with a huge forearm.

     Jane started to come back with a kick to Bonecrusher's midsection and followed up with a series of chops in
the corner. Bonecrusher would counter with two huge chops and a hiptoss. Bonecrusher then applied a modified
surfboard submission hold on Jane. Referee The Claw asked Jane if she wanted to submit, but Jane said NO.

     Bonecrusher whipped Jane into the ropes and dropped to the mat. Jane would hop over Bonecrusher twice
and as Bonecrusher came up to go for the backdrop, Jane gave him a kick to the midsection and followed up with
a DDT. Jane went for a cover, but Bonecrusher kicked out at two. Jane then tried for a figure four leg lock, but
Bonecrusher rolled Jane up in a small package and went for the pin. Jane kicked out at two.

     Bonecrusher grabbed Jane and dropped her to the mat with a DDT. He went for the cover, but Jane somehow
kicked out at two. As Bonecrusher stood up and argued with The Claw, Jane surprised him with a legsweep and
started to clime to the top turnbuckle. Bonecrusher caught Jane and instead of slamming her to the mat, he tried to
slam her through the platform on the outside of the ring.

     Bonecrusher brought Jane back into the ring, whipped her into the ropes, and caught her with a huge clothesline
followed up by the big Bonecrusher elbow drop. Bonecrusher made the cover for the three count and the victory.
Your winner, the Funking Conservatory Hardcore Champion, Bobby "Bonecrusher" Smith.

     Don't forget, the Big !BANG! is coming very soon and the Funking Conservatory is holding tryouts for wrestlers
to appear on the new weekly TV show. For more information, call Marti Funk at (352) 895-4658 or log onto
www.dory-funk.com.

     The next match would be a look back at a classic battle royal. The wrestlers involved were the Funking
Conservatory Triple Crown Champion The Royal Stud Adam Windsor, NWA Wildside's The Lost Boyz (Azrael &
Slim J), also from NWA Wildside Blackout (Rainman & Murder One), Sledgehammer, "The Premiere Talent" David
Kich, and 15 year old Irwin Doppschwalla.

     Irwin, the first graduate of the Funking Conservatory's Teen Program to appear on !BANG!, would be the first
wrestler eliminated as he was pinned by Murder One. David Kich would be next after being pinned by Slim J, who
was then thrown over the top rope by Rainman. The next wrestler eliminated was Sledgehammer when he was
pinned by Azrael.

     This now left Adam alone in the ring with Azrael, Rainman, and Murder One. All three NWA Wildside wrestlers
proceeded to triple team the Royal  Stud. Blackout would be the next two wrestlers eliminated as Adam threw
Rainman over the top rope and Azrael threw Murder One over the top rope.

     As it came down to Azrael and Adam, Azrael charged towards Adam and Adam stepped aside sending Azrael
over the top rope. As Adam started to celebrate, he did not see that Blackout had stopped Azrael from falling to the
floor. Azrael ran back into the ring and sent Adam falling off the turnbuckle to the floor eliminating him. The winner
of the battle royal, Azrael.

     Tryouts for the Big !BANG! are going on throughout the month of May on Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and
Thursdays. For more information you can log onto www.dory-funk.com or call Marti Funk at (352) 895-4658.

     The next classic segment was one to remember. The first Lady Of Wrestling Missy Hyatt came storming into
the ring during a Fighting Heart Award presentation ceremony for a young wrestler named Lady Tiffany. Missy
started to complain that since she claims to have come to the Funking Conservatory at least 30 times, she deserved
an award.

     Then Missy took one look at Irwin Doppschwalla and told him that not only was Star Wars her favorite movie,
she had never kissed a Jedi before. Missy then planted a big wet kiss on Irwin, which sent him into convulsions on
the mat. Missy then picked a catfight with Lady Tiffany after trying to snatch the award. Lady Tiffany showed
Missy why she won the award to begin with. Missy left the ring with her shoes around her ankles.

     If you're a professional wrestler who would like to wrestle on a weekly television show, come to the !BANG!
tryouts in Ocala, FL at the current Dory Funk Arena. Call Marti Funk at (352) 895-4658 or log onto Dory's
website at www.dory-funk.com.

     As a special treat, the next segment was a look back at a match that became an instant classic. This match
would be for the vacant !BANG! TV title and would pit Murder One, who had Missy Hyatt at ringside, against
the debuting Teen Program graduate Irwin Doppschwalla, who came to the ring wielding a light saber.

     Murder One started by poking Irwin and told him to go to his corner to stretch. As Murder One went to his
corner, he did not see Irwin following him. As Murder One turned around, Irwin rolled him up in a small package
and the Claw counted to three. The crowd went crazy as 15 year old Irwin Doppschwalla not only wrestled the
quickest match (4 seconds) in Funking Conservatory history, he had also become the youngest !BANG! TV
Champion ever.

     The Big !BANG! is coming and the Funking Conservatory is looking for wrestlers to appear on a weekly
live TV show. If you are a wrestler and are interested log onto Dory's website at www.dory-funk.com or give
Marti Funk a call at (352) 895-4658.

     Today's feature match would feature an intergender tag team match. Jane Doe would return to the ring
with her partner, the Japanese sensation Tohko, to take on the team of the Funking Conservatory Women's
Champion Dixie The Diva Of Domination (3D) and the Funking Conservatory Triple Crown Champion The
Royal Stud Adam Windsor.

     Adam and Tohko would start for their teams. Tohko tried to intimidate Adam by doing a standing backflip,
but it didn't bother Adam one bit. Adam did gain an advantage on Tohko with a headlock. Tohko shoved Adam
into the ropes and went for a hiptoss, but Adam countered with a chop. The Royal Stud then caught Tohko with an
armbar and made the first tag of the match.

     Dixie made her first appearance in the match by taking over the armbar on Tohko. Tohko countered by giving
Dixie a bodyslam. Tohko then made his way to his corner and tagged Jane in. Jane started off by trying to choke
Dixie out. Jane then threw Dixie into the ropes and went for a side suplex, but Dixie countered with a Mexican
headscissors. Dixie quickly made the tag to Adam.

     Adam came in and quickly clotheslined Jane. Adam then whipped Jane into the ropes and caught her with an
elbow smash to the face. Adam followed up with a swinging elbow drop and then backed Jane into the corner to
give her a forearm and an uppercut.

     Adam continued his assault on Jane by whipping her into the opposite corner and catching her with the flying
clothesline. Adam whipped Jane into the ropes again and as he put his head down for a backdrop, Jane countered
with a boot to the midsection and a high kneedrop to the back of Adam's head. Jane gave Adam a bodyslam and
then made the tag to Tohko.

     Jane held Adam down as Tohko came off the ropes with a slingshot backflip. Tohko went for the cover, but
Adam kicked out at two. Tohko was quickly back on the top turnbuckle and went for a sunset flip on Adam, but
Adam reversed the move into a sitdown powerbomb. Adam then made the tag to the Women's Champion.

     Adam picked Dixie up and bodyslammed her on top of Tohko. Adam then picked Jane up and planted her
with the Kryptonite Krunch. Dixie pinned Tohko and Adam pinned Jane for a double three count and the victory.
Your winners, the Funking Conservatory Women's Champion Dixie The Diva Of Domination (3D) and the Funking
Conservatory Triple Crown Champion, The Royal Stud Adam Windsor.

     Just a quick reminder, the Big !BANG! is coming very soon. The Royal Stud Adam Windsor will be defending
his Funking Conservatory World Heavyweight Championship against Murder One of NWA Wildside's Blackout.
Rainman and Missy Hyatt will be in Murder One's corner and Adam will have Coach Dory Funk, Jr. in his corner.

     The Funking Conservatory Women's Champion Dixie The Diva Of Domination (3D) and the Funking
Conservatory European Champion Sledgehammer are both accepting challenges for their titles at the Big !BANG!.
Any wrestler wanting to be a part of this huge event is welcome to attend the tryouts being held on Tuesdays,
Wednesdays, and Thursdays during the month of May at the current Dory Funk Arena in Ocala, FL. For more
information, log onto Dory's website at www.dory-funk.com or call Marti Funk at (352) 895-4658.
     See you all next week with another !BANG! TV report. Don't forget, THE BIG !BANG! IS COMING SOON!!!!

E-mail Dory Funk
Visit Dory's Home Page