Weekly !BANG! Television Report
By James Malone - aka Sign Guy

    Hello everyone and welcome to another edition of the !BANG! TV report. On
Saturday night, January 25, the next !BANG! TV taping titled "F'n Blastoff"
will be taking place at the Dory Funk Arena in Ocala, FL. In the main event,
The Royal stud Adam Windsor will defend his Funking Conservatory Triple Crown
Championship against the Funking Conservatory United States Champion, Osamu
Nishimura of New Japan Pro Wrestling. Nishimura was recently voted Japan's
Technical Wrestler Of The Year.
    Also, there will be a special challenge match between Red Power and the
First Lady Of Professional Wrestling, the lovely Missy Hyatt. The match will
be an evening gown match and Missy will have Osamu Nishimura in her corner.
Who will Red Power have in her corner? Attend "F'n Blastoff" to find out.

For ticket information, or information on the Funking Conservatory,
Call - (352) 895-4648
E-mail Dory Funk Jr.
Visit Dory Funk Jr.'s Home Page
WWE's Dr. Tom Comes to the Funking Conservatory


Red Power

    The first match on today's program would feature two newcomers to !BANG!
as Vinnie Pileggi would face Billy "BJ" Jerkins. The match would start off
with Vinnie pushing BJ into the corner after a collar and elbow tie up.
Vinnie then gave BJ a kneelift and two blows to the midsection. Vinnie
whipped BJ into the opposite corner and as Vinnie charged, BJ leapfrogged
over Vinnie and caught him in what looked like a combination of a headlock
and a hiptoss.
    BJ followed up with an armdrag into an armbar. Once back to his feet,
Vinnie once again forced BJ into the corner and went at him with a series of
blows to the midsection, kneelifts, and chops. Vinnie then whipped BJ into
the opposite corner and caught him with a backdrop. BJ tried to fight back as
Vinnie picked him up. BJ used blows and punches and then would whip Vinnie
into the ropes. Vinnie countered by grabbing onto the ropes and as BJ
charged, Vinnie moved out of the way and BJ went crashing to the concrete
floor.
    Vinnie threw BJ back into the ring and went to finish him off with a
springboard legdrop off the top ring rope. Vinnie went for a cover, but BJ
kicked out at two. Vinnie continued the assault with a vertical suplex and an
elbow drop off the top turnbuckle. Vinnie went for another cover, but BJ
kicked out at two again. As Vinnie went back to the top turnbuckle, BJ caught
him and executed a superplex.
    Both wrestlers would then go at it in a slugfest until BJ gave Vinnie a
clothesline and followed up with a spinebuster. BJ went for his first cover,
but Vinnie kicked out at two. BJ would give Vinnie a bodyslam and then went
to the top turnbuckle and came off with the flying headbutt on Vinnie's
chest. BJ went for the cover, but somehow Vinnie kicked out at two. BJ
decided to go for his finishing move, the pump handle suplex which he calls
the Jerk Around. BJ applied the move perfectly on Vinnie and made the cover
for three. Your winner, Billy "BJ" Jerkins.

    The next match would feature the brand new Funking Conservatory Women's
Champion, The Irish Siren Alex Breslin, defending her title for the first
time against the challenger, the first female graduate of the Funking
Conservatory's Teenager Program, Dixie. Alex would be accompanied to the ring
by the First Lady Of Wrestling, the lovely Missy Hyatt.
    The match started off with Dixie catching Alex in a headlock switching to
a reverse wristlock then back to the headlock and taking her down to the mat.
Dixie released the hold allowing Alex to get back on her feet. Dixie took
Alex back down to the mat with an armdrag and followed up with a legdrop on
Alex's arm. Dixie went for the cover, but Alex kicked out at two.
    Dixie once again caught Alex in a headlock, but Alex countered by pushing
Dixie into the ropes, giving her a kick to the stomach, and taking her down
to the mat by her hair. Alex continued by picking Dixie up into the headlock
and using the headlock takedown to keep control. Alex went for the cover, but
Dixie kicked out at two. Alex tried for another cover, but Dixie kicked out
at two and countered with a headscissors. Alex was able to make Dixie release
the hold by biting her leg.
    Alex took Dixie back down to the mat by her hair again and then started
to choke her. Alex then stuck her foot on Dixie's throat not allowing her to
breathe. Alex kept going by draping Dixie by her neck onto the middle ring
rope. Alex then placed Dixie in the corner and unleashed everything she had
by giving Dixie two running clotheslines, two chops, and two kneelifts before
placing her in the move called the Irish Swingaround. Alex made the cover for
three and the victory. Your winner and still Funking Conservatory Women's
Champion, The Irish Siren Alex Breslin.

    Speaking of Dixie, she will be one of the stars on the card at "F'n
Blastoff" on January 25 at the Dory Funk Arena in Ocala, FL. Adam Windsor,
Osamu Nishimura, Missy Hyatt, Red Power, Sledgehammer, and many others will
be there as well along with special guest, WWE Talent Scout Dr. Tom Prichard.

    Today's feature match took place at the NWA Wildside Arena in Cornelia,
GA. Coming out first to the ring would be Murder One of Blackout accompanied
by his regular tag team partner Rainman. Murder One's partner for this match
would be Cru Jones, who was accompanied by a bogus referee and a cheerleader.
    Next out to the ring would be the legend himself, Dory Funk, Jr.
Following Dory would be the Funking Conservatory Triple Crown Champion, The
Royal stud Adam Windsor. Adam's partner for this match would be NWA
Wildside's Onyx. The referee for this match would be the referee who's word
is the law, Claudia Reiff aka "The Claw".

The Royal Stud, Adam Windsor

    Murder One and Adam would start for their respective teams. Murder One
pushed Adam into the corner and as he tried the cheap shot, Adam ducked and
took Murder One down with an armdrag followed up by another armdrag and a
bodyslam. Murder One decided to tag Cru and Adam likewise made the tag to
Onyx.
    Cru and Onyx would lock up in a test of strength. As Onyx was easily
winning the test of strength, Cru kicked his way out and caught Onyx in a
reverse hammer lock. Onyx powered his way out and caught Cru in a legtrip.
Onyx whipped Cru into the ropes and knocked him down to the mat with a hard
shoulder tackle. Onyx then caught Cru with an armdrag and followed up with a
powerslam. Cru made his way to the corner to tag to Murder One.
    Murder One and Onyx immediately engaged in a slugfest. Once both men were
up, Onyx caught Murder One with an armtwist and made the tag to Adam. Adam
placed Murder One in the corner and gave him a hard chop. Adam then whipped
Murder One into the opposite corner and caught him with a running clothesline
and a DDT. Adam went for the cover, but Murder One kicked out at two.
    Adam caught Murder One with the double arm suplex and went for another
cover, but Murder One kicked out again at two. Adam then gave Murder One not
one, not two, but three huge forearm shot to put Murder One back down to the
mat. Adam went for the cover again, but Murder One kicked out at two. Adam
placed Murder One in the corner and gave him two more forearms and then
whipped him into the opposite corner. Adam went for another running
clothesline, but Murder One caught him with a boot to the stomach. As Murder
One went for his own clothesline, Adam ducked and delivered the superkick.
Adam made the cover, but somehow Murder One kicked out at two.
    Adam tried for another clothesline himself, but Murder One ducked and
caught Adam with a reverse neckbreaker. Murder One was able to make the tag
to Cru. Cru came in with a flurry of kicks to Adam's back. Cru picked Adam
up, whipped him into the ropes, and delivered a nice dropkick. Cru went for
the cover, but Adam kicked out at two. Cru used the legdrop on Adam and then
followed up with a legdrop from the second turnbuckle. Cru followed that up
with a moonsault periwinkle from the top turnbuckle. Cru went for the cover
again, but Adam once again kicked out at two.
    Cru picked Adam up in a fireman's carry position and gave him a
neckbreaker on the top ring rope. Adam landed outside of the ring where Cru's
so called referee started kicking Adam. Dory started to come around to Adam's
aid and both the fake referee and Rainman backed off in a hurry. After making
the tag to Murder One, Cru brought Adam back into the ring by his hair.
    Murder One picked Adam up and gave him a sit down bodyslam. Murder One
went for the cover, but the count was broken at two by Onyx. Murder One
whipped Adam into the ropes and went for the clothesline, but Adam ducked and
bounced off the ropes again. This time both wrestlers clotheslined each
other. Once both men were up, Adam went for the kick to the stomach of Murder
One, but Murder One grabbed Adam's foot. Adam countered with the sigiry kick
to Murder One's head.
    Both Adam and Murder One tagged their partners back into the match. Onyx
clotheslined Cru and then Murder One. Onyx also gave his opponents each a
dropkick. Adam went after Murder One and both men spilled through the ropes
to the floor. Dory had come over to help Adam, but he was jumped by Rainman.
As Adam and Dory were fighting it out with Blackout, Onyx had made the cover
for three on Cru securing the victory for his team. Your winners, Onyx and
The Royal Stud Adam Windsor.
    After the match was over, Adam and Onyx were jumped from behind by
Blackout, Cru, and the fake referee. Dory jumped into the ring and started to
clean house. First he took care of both members of Blackout and then Cru.
Dory turned around to find Cru's fake referee kicking Adam. Dory gave the
little weasel a kneelift and then busted him down to the mat with the famous
Funk forearm. Once down, the whole crowd knew that Dory would give him the
famous spinning toehold. Cru was able to drag his fake referee out of the
ring before Dory could do any more damage, but The Claw decided to throw the
fake referee's hat right back at him.

    Once again, the next !BANG! TV taping titled "F'n Blastoff" will take
place on Saturday night, January 25 at the Dory Funk Arena in Ocala, FL. The
main event will be The Royal Stud Adam Windsor defending his Funking
Conservatory Triple Crown Championship against the Funking Conservatory
United States Champion and Japan's 2002 technical wrestler of the year, Osamu
Nishimura. The First Lady Of Professional Wrestling Missy Hyatt will be in
the ring in a special challenge evening gown match against Red Power. Osamu
Nishimura will be in Missy's corner. Who will be in Red Power's corner?

Outstanding Technical Wrestler in Japan, Osamu Nishimura

    Also, WWE Talent Scout Dr. Tom Prichard will be in attendance to evaluate
wrestlers participating on the card. Dixie and Sledgehammer will be returning
and there will be several other wrestlers yet to be named. Claudia Reiff aka
The Claw will be on hand to officiate the action. Get your tickets now
because they're going fast.


Dr. Tom Prichard

Who will be in Red Power's Corner?

If you are in training at the Funking Conservatory, "It Could Be You."

Also on the Card, Adam Windsor will be defending his "Triple Crown"
Championship.

For ticket information, or information on the Funking Conservatory,
Call - (352) 895-4648
E-mail Dory Funk Jr.
Visit Dory Funk Jr.'s Home Page
WWE's Dr. Tom Comes to the Funking Conservatory