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Gunslinger Rap
 
 
So, You Think We're Friends?  I reached for the "three quarter nelson." I had him for the three count.  (11/7/97) Gainseville County Fairgrounds, Gainseville, Florida. I became the new  Florida Heavyweight Champion.

*** The Boss is Gone "*%#@ damn you Terry if you don't loosen up I am going to get up and kick the shit out of you.*%#@ damn you Terry turn loose or I am going to kick your ass."

Jack Brisco Meets the Governor of Texas Jack Brisco comes to Abilene Texas to defend the world championship and meet the governor of Texas, Dolph Briscoe. What happens when Jack arrives and there is no governor?

Tommy Tsuruta Jumbo Tsuruta a gifted athlete from Japan and the Tokyo Olmpic Games comes to the Amarillo Territory to learn the finer points of professional wrestling. In Amarillo Texas, they called him Tommy Tsuruta.

Kanemochi In Japanese, kanemochi means rich man. Who is the richest of them all in the world of professional wrestling. The Gunslinger takes a look at several. You might be surprised when you find out who truly deserves the name "kanemochi."

Dick Murdoch We all lost a dear friend with the death of Dick Murdoch. Dick's funeral was a tribute to the life and times of Dick Murdoch. He was truly the original "Red Neck," and he was loved by many.

69 EG - Flight of Fear Have you ever taken off in an airplane and wish you had never left the ground. Gunslinger relates his experiences on a particular flight of fear from Ft. Meyers, Florida to Tampa.

Murder in the Dark Dory Funk Sr. was a master at raising kids. He had the insight to know what they were going to do before they knew what they were going to do. Funk Sr. out smarts the kids at Boy's Ranch on a rainy night.

Give 'em Hell Kid Gene Kiniski was like a second father to me with all the right advice at the right time. This started when I broke into professional wrestleing and continues to the present. Story of the Bockwinkel match at Slamboree.

When the Goin' Gets Tough On many occasions people have asked me, "Of all the wrestlers, Who is the toughest? who would you like to have on your side if you were really in trouble, like a street fight?"

What's Wrong With Professional Wrestling? Is there something wrong with professional wrestling today? Let's substitute another popular sport in America and subject it to the pro wrestling mind set. "An NFL Return Match!!!"

It Takes All Kinds Terry Funk and I send letters to a popular wrestling magazine in Japan. They were written independently and appeared one page apart. Gunslinger compares the difference in writing style.

Until We Meet Again Andre The Giant was the biggest attraction in professional wrestling. Few had the opportunity to really get to know Andre. Marti and I had the opportunity to know him well. The man behind the myth.

Eastern Flight 315 - The 10:50pm Flight to Tampa (So You Think You Are a Star) I walked into the dressing room at the Miami Beach Convention Hall. I had friends everywhere calling me champ and patting me on the back. When work is done???

Sam Bass Rides Again Just before touchdown, from the back of the plane, Dick Murdoch yelled out, "Brace." Everyone on the plane screamed and ducked down into the brace position. (The Jumbo 747 flies from LA to Tokyo for Japan Air Lines)

Return to the Calgary Stampede We are in Amarillo, Texas visiting family over the Christmas holidays. Marti calls her mother, "The Preachers Wife." A letter is there from Bruce Hart, Marti says, "oh, that's wonderful, please read it to me."

World Champion Pussy Eater Guess who???

The Most Competitive Business In the World " Jim Barnett responded, "Ohh godd" then did a pirouette and sashayed out of the dressing room. The door slammed shut with a loud bang, one more trickle of dust floated down on Big Tex's nose.

Jess's Bar-B-Que Beef Sandwich Pretty Boy Harvey growled "I wouldn't eat in this dirty rotten horrible germ infested bar-b-que rat house for all the money stuffed under Vern Gagne's mattress."

Johnny Valentine, Part I & II The aircraft dipped, nose first and began a rapid descent, only three miles short of the runway at Douglas field. Forty seconds later, they were at tree top level, the aircraft tore through tree branches and -----

"The Devil Made Me Do It" Not even the, "Smart Marks," Knew that Terry Funk was coming here for the dream match against the biggest drawing card in the history of wrestling. The marquee read, "Main Event, Hulk Hogan vs Terry Funk."

Second Fiddle The next thing I knew, I was being kissed on the lips in a wet and sloppy way, then Jack Benny unzipped his pants and asked me if I would, "Kiss it."

"I'm Gonna Be A Big Star Some Day" Ladies and Gentlemen in the red corner from Hamlin Texas at 260 pounds, The Future Star of the Detroit Wheels, "STAN HANSEN."

Who's Marti? Marti I and Marti II, two girls selling T-shirts at the arenas, one was a, "red head," and one was a, "Blond." I looked at Eddie Graham and said, "What is this?

Rip Rogers "Those Son-of-a-Bitches, they threw water all over us----. Hey that's not water. Those dirty bastards threw piss all over us. Let's kill the bastards."

Tough Love Sputnik Monroe turned around and punched the cowboy's horse in the nose. In a second, the cowboy was all over Sputnik and beat the hell out of him.

Who Won the Match? I dialed the familiar number I had called so many time before when in need of love and affection, it was the number of another mans wife.

Beer in the Dressing Room Terry attacked the big beer can, running around it stabbing at the base with the knife. In just seconds, the Miller Light Balloon collapsed into a heap of useless rubber near the third base bag.

The Bad Guy The Cessna 173 flew through the dark Florida night. Buddy Colt was flying left seat, Austin Idol was to his right, Gary Hart & Bobby Shane were in the back seat. "The Bad Guy's Airplane."

Slamboree '94 Janie said, "Maybe I had better wait until your match is over." I said, "No, tell me now." She looked me straight in the eyes and said, "I'm your sister."

Party Time in Juarez "Send me a week's advance pay and my transportation and I will come in and, "pop your territory." It was Abdulla the Butcher on the other end of the telephone conversation. My answer was???

The Deer Hunter The Lawman tied the old dead doe to a tree in standing position and attached the antlers to the head of the doe. Then he returned home and called Jerry Kozak and invited him to go deer hunting with him.

Coffee, Cream and Sweet and Low We are wrestling in the San Francisco Cow Palace Ray Stevens and Pat Patterson, the greatest of the Sixties are against Terry Funk and myself, the greatest of the Seventies.

Officer Burns I looked at the Lawman and said, "So you think a hundred miles an hour is dangerous, How about this." I reached forward with my left hand and switched off the headlights.

And the Winner Is... (Ilio DiPaolo Memorial) Jim Kelly turned to Macho Man Savage and said, "If you think you are so tough, why don't you get in this ring and I will kick your ass."

My Friend I strolled over to this pretty little chick and said, "Howdy do" She answered, "Oh, I'm fine. Do you think you could get your partner, David von Erich to come over and talk to me?"

Blackie "Son of a bitch, Funk keep your hands out of my hair." I knew if I wanted to make this Oklahoma Indian mad, all I had to do was reach for his hair. Jack Brisco was proud of his long black hair of Indian ancestry.

Hulk Hogan (Terry Bollea) Was My "Bad Guy" First "I'll take that "Mighty Ignoramus" and stuff his air head up his muscled rear end and smother him to death."

Medium Rare What followed was the damndest cussing you ever heard, accusations of thievery, stealing, and lying erupted. I could hear Promoter Dory Detton say, "##@!$%, Funk this is a business not a sport."

Senator Hotel Lounge Terry took the can opener and widened the opening on one side of the Budweiser can of beer, then handed the opener to Harley. This match was in the lounge on the ground floor of the Senator Hotel.

Dennis, "Hot" Rodman The hair color, nose ring, and tattoos did NOT get him into the NBA, nor did they help him in the ring as a professional wrestler at WCW's bash at the beach.

Joe Schidtt He was introduced everywhere as Joe Schidtt. Much to his surprise, All of the fans would laugh at him and call him Fullof Schidtt, Horse Schidtt, Dumb Schidtt, Little Schidtt, Dip Schidtt, etc. etc.

Dory Funk Sr. (He Knew Terry Best) There was the squealing of tires, a crash, and the sound of crunching steel. Terry's new Ford Hatch-back Mustang was destroyed.

Mortimer "Hello you stupid idiots," Those were the first words spoken by newcomer to Amarillo, Don Duffy. The next words were those of Dory Funk Sr., "Stop the promo. Cut. We can't be calling our fans stupid idiots."

Crushed Nuts "Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Dory. Happy birthday to you." Yes this was my 39th birthday, February 3rd, 1996.

Last Ride At Neblett Hospital in Canyon, Dr. Moore said, "Dory, you have had a massive heart attack. An ambulance is on the way. We are taking you to the emergency room at Northwest Texas Hospital in Amarillo."

"We Won By Golly, We Won" The day after "WrestleFest, 50 Years of Funk," I read the headlines of the sports page of the Amarillo Globe times.  "Gasp, Terry Funk goes out with a loss."

Happy Anniversary Brute Bernard returned to the dressing room after his match, dripping in perspiration. He said, "My God, anyone who is in that ring wrestling for more than five minutes is going to die."

Brian Pillman This Gunslinger Rap is dedicated to the memory of Brian Pillman His death is a tragedy in the wrestling business. Marti and I send our deepest sympathy to Melanie Pillman, and to the rest of Brian's family.

St. Louis Honors Thanks first to the wrestling fans. Without them, none of us would have had the thrills.  As wrestlers and promoters we must respect the wrestling fans. Give them more than just their money's worth.

Please Pass the Sugar The un-written law in professional wrestling. "You don't associate with your opponents in public." Even though many wrestlers publicly feuded with each other, they often were in fact good friends.
 
 

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