!BANG! TV Report
Week of May 26-30, 2003
Airdates: Mondays, Thursdays, & Fridays at 1 AM, Saturdays at 6 AM
Written by James Malone aka Sign Guy
E-mail Dory Funk Jr.
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     Hello all and welcome to the !BANG! TV report. For all you fans of the Funking Conservatory, there will be special exhibition
matches on Saturday night, May 31, at the Dory Funk Arena in Ocala, FL. Several of your favorites will be there including The Royal
Stud Adam Windsor, Dixie, The Claw, Sledgehammer, and many others. Tickets will be only $5 and there is limited seating so you'll
want to bring your own chair.

     The opening match would feature Adam Windsor defending his Funking Conservatory World Heavyweight Championship against
former Funking Conservatory Tag Team Champion Sterling James Keenan. The match started off with Keenan catching Adam with
an arm drag. Adam tried a go behind move, but Keenan reversed it into a schoolboy roll up pinning combination which Adam
kicked out of at two.
     Keenan applied a headlock on Adam. Adam shoved Keenan into the ropes and went for a tackle, but it would be Keenan putting
Adam down to the mat with a tackle. Keenan then bounced off the ropes over Adam, then off the ropes again and leapfrogged by
Adam, and was hip tossed by Adam. Adam would follow up with a body slam and an arm drag.
     Keenan countered with a series of blows to Adam's head. Keenan went to whip Adam into the opposite corner, but Adam
reversed the whip and caught Keenan with another hippos and arm drag into an arm bar. Adam kept the pressure of the arm bar on
Keenan even after a fireman's carry. Adam placed Keenan in the corner and continued the assault with a knee lift, a European
uppercut, a chop, and a kick to the stomach.
     Adam then whipped Keenan into the opposite corner and caught him with the running clothesline. Adam followed up with more
chops and uppercuts. Adam whipped Keenan into the ropes and went for a clothesline, but Keenan ducked and caught Adam with a
clothesline of his own. Keenan went for the cover, but Adam kicked out at one. Keenan then applied a reverse chin lock on Adam.
Keenan would follow up with a drop-kick to Adam's face. Keenan went for another cover, but this time Adam kicked out at two.
     Keenan started to argue with referee The Claw. As he continued, Adam came up from behind and went for the schoolboy roll up.
Keenan would kick out at two. Keenan answered back with another clothesline on Adam. Keenan tried for another cover, but Adam
again kicked out at two. Keenan picked Adam up and then applied a neck breaker. Keenan went for the cover again, but Adam
once again kicked out at two. Keenan then whipped Adam into the ropes and went for a backdrop, but Adam reversed with a sunset
flip and pin attempt which Keenan kicked out at two.
     Once he was up to his feet, Keenan would knock Adam back down to the mat with a back elbow smash. Keenan then applied a
rare move, a figure four head scissors. As the hold was applied, Keenan blatantly grabbed on to the middle ring rope. The Claw saw
this and immediately called for the break. As she counted, Keenan counted along with her and broke the hold just before the five
count.
     Keenan picked Adam up, whipped him into the corner, and followed up with a running clothesline. Keenan then took Adam,
climbed to the top turnbuckle, and applied what looked like a reverse tarantula. The Claw once again called for the break. Keenan
went back to the top turnbuckle and came off catching Adam with a missile drop-kick. Keenan tried for another cover, but there was
no quit in Adam as he kicked out at two.
     Keenan went back to the top turnbuckle to attempt the moonsault, but Adam quickly rose to his feet, and it the ropes causing
Keenan to straddle the turnbuckle. Adam then turned around picking up Keenan from behind and brought him down to the mat with
the Royal Edge. Adam went for the cover, but somehow Keenan kicked out at two.
     Adam whipped Keenan into the ropes and went for what looked like a backdrop, but Adam held on to Keenan's legs and
executed the Kryptonite Crunch. Adam thought he had the victory, but Keenan got his shoulder up at two. Not many people kick out
of the Kryptonite Crunch. Adam went to whip Keenan into the ropes, but Keenan reversed the whip and went for the clothesline.
     Adam ducked the clothesline and caught Keenan with a cradle roll up. Keenan would kick out at two yet again. Keenan would
try the clothesline again, but Adam ducked again and caught Keenan with a backslide and made the cover for three and the victory.
Your winner and still Funking Conservatory World Heavyweight Champion, The Royal Stud Adam Windsor.

     The next match would feature tag team action as the Funking Conservatory Tag Team Champions The Lost Boyz, Azrael & Slim
J, defended the belts against their longtime NWA Wildside rivals Blackout, Rainman & Murder One.
     The match started off with Azrael and Rainman. Azrael took Rainman down to the mat with a drop toehold. Rainman would
counter with a reverse hammerlock. Once both men were up. Azrael caught Rainman with a series of kicks followed up by an armtwist
into an armbar. Rainman would reverse the hold into an armbar of his own. Azrael countered back into an armlock and a few more
quick kicks into Rainman's stomach. Azrael then made the tag to Slim J.
     Slim J cam in and he and Azrael double teamed Rainman with a combination DDT facebuster. Slim J went for the first cover of
the match, but referee "The Claw"  could only make a two count. Slim J whipped Rainman into the ropes and connected with a spin
kick. Slim J would make the tag back to Azrael.
     Azrael was back in and continued the assault on Rainman with three kicks to the forehead. Azrael would follow up on Rainman
with a sit down bodyslam. Azrael tagged Slim J back in.
     Slim J went right for the cover, but Rainman kicked out at two. Slim J attempted to whip Rainman into the ropes, but Rainman
reversed and caught Slim J with a butt first bomb. Rainman was finally able to tag his partner.
    Murder One made his way into the ring for the first time in the match and went right to work on Slim J two big kicks, a whip into
the ropes, and followed up with a clothesline. Murder One then picked up Slim J and gave him bodyslam and a forearm to the head
as well as a forearm shot to the back. Murder One made the tag to Rainman.
     Both members of Blackout would give Slim J a double hiptoss. Rainman went for the cover, but Slim J kicked out at two.
Rainman then whipped Slim J into the ropes and caught him with a nice dropkick. Rainman went for another cover, but the count
was broken at two when Azrael ran into the ring and kicked Rainman in the head. Rainman then tagged Murder One back in.
     Murder One continued on Slim J with a brainbuster. Murder One went for the pin, but somehow Slim J kicked out at two. Murder
One whipped Slim J into the ropes and went for a clothesline, but Slim J ducked and gave Murder One a lick to the back of his knee.
Slim J followed up with a spin kick to the back of Murder One's head.Slim J was finally able to get to his corner to tag
Azrael.
     Azrael was in and started off against both members of Blackout punching both Rainman and Murder One. Azrael picked up Rainman
and dropped him with a sidewalk slam. Azrael then took Murder One and threw him in the corner and followed up with a big boot to the
head of Rainman, who was in the opposite corner. Azrael then made the tag to Slim J.
     The Claw was starting to lose control of the match with all four men in the ring at the same time. Murder One threw Azrael out of the
ring as Slim J attempted to whip Rainman into the ropes. Rainman reversed the whip and he along with Murder One picked up Slim J
and executed their finishing move, the 420. Murder One folded up Slim J for the three count and the victory. Your winners and new
Funking Conservatory Tag Team Champions, Blackout.

     Today's feature segment would be an interview conducted by our very own Coach Dory Funk, Jr. with the Funking Conservatory
Hardcore Champion, Bobby "Bonecrusher" Smith.  Dory's first question to Bonecrusher was about his opinion of Adam Windsor as a
wrestler. Bonecrusher stated that even though they have beaten the crap out of each other and have left scars and bruises as reminders,
he said he had lots of respect for Adam as a wrestler. As a person, Bonecrusher hates his guts.
     Bonecrusher was then asked about royalty. He replied to Dory that not only has Adam had everything handed to him, he started
rambling that Adam ate real cereal while he ate fake Froot Loops. Bonecrusher then claimed he wasn't jealous at all.
     Dory then asked Bonecrusher about training. Bonecrusher stated that he would stop at truck stops, have a few Colorado Kool
Aids, and beat people up since he doesn't have access to a training facility like Adam.
     The interview ended with Bonecrusher trying to offer Dory a deal to get him on his side. Dory slugged Bonecrusher, looked into
the camera, and said "Maybe".

     Once again, there will be exhibition matches this Saturday night, May 31, at the Dory Funk Arena in Ocala, FL. Tickets for this
event are only $5 and you are encouraged to bring your own chair. Adam Windsor, Dixie, and Sledgehammer will be defending
their titles and The Claw will be on hand to officiate the action. Other wrestlers will be on the card as well.

E-mail Dory Funk Jr.
Visit Dory's Home Page