Dory Funk Jr's !BANG! TV Report
Air Date - September 12, 2002
by James Malone AKA Sign Guy

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     Today's edition of !BANG! began with an awards presentation ceremony.
The first award was a presentation of the Funking Conservatory Publisher's
Award. Joining the Conservatory's own Sign Guy as a recipient of this award
was Fumi Saito, the editor of Japan's Weekly Pro Wrestling Magazine. Weekly
Pro Wrestling Magazine has a circulation of 12 million magazines sold every
week. The second award was the Funking Conservatory Coach's Award, which was
presented to New Japan Pro Wrestling's Osamu Nishimura, the FC United States
Champion. The big award of the evening was the Diamond Jubilee Award and it
was presented to Adam Windsor marking his three year anniversary as a
professional wrestler. As Adam thanked the fans for the support during his
career, Adam's ring music started blaring over the speakers. All of a sudden
a figure emerged from behind the curtains wearing a blonde wig, wearing one
of Adam's wrestling outfits, and carrying three wrestling "belts". It was the
most annoying man in the Funking Conservatory, Heater, coming to the ring
dressed as Adam trying to make a mockery of the Triple Crown Champion. Heater
then made a challenge to Adam not for the belts, but for his Diamond Jubilee
trophy. Adam quickly accepted the challenge and referee The Claw called for
the bell. Heater quickly grabbed Adam from behind and yelled for Nishimura to
help in the attack. Adam caught Heater with a mule kick low blow and tossed
him to Nishimura who put him in a northern lights suplex. Adam then ripped
the outfit off of Heater, leaving him in nothing but his boxer shorts. Adam
picked up Heater and finished him off with the Royal Ride. Adam made the
cover for three and the victory. Your winner, The Royal Stud Adam Windsor.
     The next match featured New Japan Pro Wrestling's Osamu Nishimura
defending the FC United States Championship against !BANG! newcomer Ru Star.
The match started off with a test of strength. Nishimura easily had the upper
hand, but Ru was able to bridge the test and not give up. Ru managed to
recover and rise to his feet and overpower Nishimura, who literally used his
head to bridge the test and countered with a head scissors on Ru. Ru escaped
the head scissors and once both men were back to their feet, started to lock
up for another test of strength. Nishimura gave Ru an armdrag and followed up
with an armbar. Ru had his own counter by tripping Nishimura and going to
work on the left leg. Nishimura countered with another head scissors. Both
men were quickly back on their feet. Nishimura whipped Ru into the ropes and
caught him with a sleeper hold into another head scissors. Ru bridged back
which pinned Nishimura, but Nishimura was able to kick out at two. Nishimura
placed Ru in the corner and gave him a chop followed up by two hard forearms.
Nishimura bounced off the ropes and hit Ru hard with a shoulder tackle.
Nishimura bounced off the ropes again and gave Ru another shoulder tackle. As
Nishimura went for a third, Ru tried to reverse, but Nishimura caught Ru with
the schoolboy rollup into a bridge for the three count and the victory. Your
winner and still FC United States Champion, Osamu Nishimura.
     Today's feature match was a six man hardcore match to determine a new FC
Hardcore Champion. First in the ring were !BANG! newcomers Dragon Heart and
The Mad Doctor. Next in were Trauma and the newly crowned FC Tag Team
Champions from NWA Wildside The Lost Boyz, Azreal and Slim J. The sixth and
final competitor to come to the ring would be the FORMER Whoa Man's (now once
again Women's) Champion, the most annoying man in the Funking Conservatory,
Heater. The bell rang and it was time to get hardcore. Thirty seconds into
the match, Coach Dory Funk Jr came to the ring with the trashcan full of
hardcore weapons and plunder. Heater smacked Trauma over the head with a
trash can while the Lost Boyz double teamed Dragon Heart with trash can lids.
Heater then started to strangle Trauma with a steering wheel cover. Azreal
attacked the Doctor with the trash can lid. The Doctor hit Heater over the
head with a trash can lid, but Heater countered by smacking the Doctor in the
midsection with a trash can lid. Azreal worked over Dragon Heart with a
plastic baseball bat while Slim J tagged Trauma. Heater went to work on
Azreal with a metal baseball bat, but was hit over the head by Azreal's
partner Slim J with a trash can. A chain reaction started with Heater hitting
Trauma, Slim J hitting Heater, the Doctor hitting Slim J, Dragon Heart
hitting the Doctor, Azreal hitting Dragon Heart, and Trauma hitting Azreal.
Only Heater was able to make it back to his feet and retaliated by throwing
Slim J out of the ring and clocking Trauma over the head with a frying pan.
Heater made the cover for the three count and the victory. Your winner and
new FC Hardcore Champion, Heater.
     On Saturday night, September 28, the !BANG! TV taping titled "Foot
Stompin Fall" will be taking place at the Dory Funk Arena in Ocala, FL. The
special guest will be WWE talent scout Dr. Tom Pritchard. The main event will
be a tag team match featuring Adam Windsor and Osamu Nishimura teaming up to
take  on the most annoying man in the Funking Conservatory and newly crowned
FC Hardcore Champion, Heater, and his mystery tag team partner being flown in
from Japan. Women's Champion Vanesa Harding, the American Hardbody, will be
returning for her first title defense and the show will highlight the long
awaited return of Cleopatra. Get your tickets soon because they're going
fast. See you at the matches.

E-mail Dory Funk Jr.
Read the !BANG! Newsletter
Join the Funking Conservatory
Visit Dory Funk's Home Page